I wish he hadn't said that

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Hello blog! You're looking well. Me? Not much, hanging in there, you know - busy busy busy. I see you've gone orange. Very flattering.

On to the post: Today the hub voiced to me his nagging feeling that we are being sold a bill of goods by the industry of your child doesn't fit in the box and we're gonna wring every bit of guilt money out of you we can get.

I was telling him how "they" say having a tutor is the best thing you can do to help your child academically. He replied that "they" are the very "they" we are paying an arm and a leg too. The extra tutor to catch Abi up in reading. The speech therapist who's teaching Abi the correct way to make and hear sounds and process the English language. The orthodontist who's fixing things he admits may not be fixed until adulthood (at a ridiculously high rate). He's poised and ready to do it to her again in another few years. The doctors who have her on medication for ADD.

His comments sort of struck a "oh god, what if he's right?" cord in me. He might very well be right. Earlier in the day Abigail had made a lovely intricate pattern out of the "battleship" game pegs and boats. It was actually quite striking and finished looking, which made me think, what if she's just a creative kid who doesn't much care for school - just doesn't do well in school? What if all this helpful high price tag pushing, shoving and worrying isn't what's helping her. Maybe it's just happening all in her own time, and would be happening (off-schedule) without the drugs, hours and hours of tutoring, head gear, guilt and worry because she's plain and simple different. Of course I will never know because even if it might only help a tiny bit, we are going to try anything and do anything we can. All that mommy guilt keeps us on the verge of the poor house.

So the reason for my continued feeling of being had is; I just came down from my rain or shine nightly reading session with Abigail. Sometimes it's sheer agony, but tonight I was going with the flow and enjoying the experience of Abi. She was imitating a teacher I'm sure, and there were 4 colors of dry erase markers, bakUgon toys involved, and a very intricate social story revolving around finding the rhyming words, and seeing the pictures, etc. As usual I was painfully aware of the fact that she's barely noticing the words. "How can you work of fluency and then comprehension if you don't attend to what your reading!!!!" Can you picture how helpful it would be if I would scream that at her - yikes. Anyhow, I realized that poor Abi is sold short almost constantly. She has alot going on in her world and for I'm sure dozens if not hundreds of reasons, can't be bothered with reading.

I know that I'd be doing her a disservice if I didn't teacher her how to become like everyone else, and I know she can and will eventually do it. I just wish that WE weren't so hung up on everyone fitting in the same box at the same time. I wish it wasn't so hard on anyone who's even a little bit different. (However, she seems to be doing just fine, it's my fragile psyche and checking account that are complaining.)