Toxic Friends: Less Friend, More Foe

I just cut and pasted this in here for my own future reference. I love hearing that I'm not the only person that this has happened too, and remembering what friends really are, and really are not. (So next time I can be happy about bluntly saying, "no, I'm not going to waste any more time on that.")

Toxic Friends: Less Friend, More Foe

They put you down and expect you to pick them up, or drain the life right out of you for their own gain. With toxic friends like these, who needs enemies?

Friends are accepting; they make us feel comfortable. Friends are sincere: they will tell us when we are getting out of line. Friends are our angels in physical from: they see the big picture and give us objective advice. Friends care for us, root for us, support us, and share our history. Friendships permeate our lives, having an impact on our careers, marriages, families, children, health, and even our retirement.

“Friendships are important everywhere, and they have positive things to contribute to all areas of your life,” says Isaacs. “But that means they can also be toxic in any of these areas as well.”
Elizabeth Roberts had a friend she’d known for 23 years. Roberts had grown up with this friend in a small town in Maine, and while longevity in a relationship often speaks to its strength, in her case, it was quite the opposite -- the older they got, the more the relationship turned toxic.
“She was always putting me down,” says Roberts. “Whether it was out in the open and obvious, or a subtle jab, it was exhausting.” For Roberts, the friendship seemed OK, and she took the insults in stride. “I would mention to my mother or another friend something she said to me, and their responses were always, ‘What? She said that? Who says that?’” says Roberts. “And I would defend her. I would say, ‘Oh, she doesn’t mean it that way.’ But she did, and I just overlooked it.”
Whether it was the friend making a snide remark about Roberts short stature, or her weight, her clothes, or the guys she dated, their relationship was trademark toxic. “One of the characteristics of a toxic friendship is that the good friend feels she can’t extricate herself from the relationship,” says Charles Figley, PhD, professor and director of the Psychological Stress Research Program at Florida State University. “Whether it’s on the phone, in person, or from the friendship entirely, you feel like you are trapped, you’re being taken advantage of and you can’t resolve the problem one way or another.” That’s the hard thing about toxic friends,” says Roberts. “Sometimes you can’t be friends with them anymore. You can’t go from being really good friends with someone, to being not really good friends. Sometimes, you have to totally cut them out, which is what I did. — It got to the point where I couldn’t forgive her.”